I don’t want to go there: – why this is the most painful choice you could be making

The idea of the monster is always worse that it actually is. Often monsters are shown in fragments in books. Take the Gruffalo for example, the build up is excitingly scary with each part fearsome. However, once you see the whole, the fear is diminished. Much like the monsters in our minds. We see fragments and our minds fill in the gaps.

I have worked in and out of trauma for the past twenty years. By trauma I mean an event or memory which causes the body system or emotions to be thwarted and develop in a different way. Love, for example may become traumatised as it might not be freely available or conditional based on silence or achievements so over-achieving and ‘succeeding’ fill the love endorphine void much in the same way that sugar addiction starts. We do what we need to do to get what we need.

When we want the real thing but we can’t have it so we replicate the feeling with something else. Like self-esteem and ‘likes’ on Facebook, it cannot replace but creates an addictive behaviour which isn’t beneficial. Memories of car crashes and physical attacks leave us feeling unsafe so we become late for appointments because we don’t want to leave the house. When what we say has been invalidated, we stammer and stutter cut off from our words.

What I noticed in children who had experienced trauma, much like myself, the systems of the body become cut off. For me, it was my voice. It  creates a closing. So my voice closed and my heart palpitated rapidly – I was unaware at the time that the body needed to flow in a certain way in order to exist healthily. I wasn’t aware of meridians and chakras, I just knew that in certain environments I felt extremely tearful and when there is a ‘closing down’ it normally manifests as the emotions ‘shame’ and ‘guilt’.

These are the lowest vibrational energy emotions and trap the wearer into cycles of self-negating behaviour. By self-negating, I mean attending to everyone else’s needs rather than their own because they have made themselves ‘wrong’. Not looking after yourself and seeking approval from others instead of knowing deep inside that you are gorgeous inside and out.

That’s the interesting thing. Often the memory or trauma has nothing to do with shame or guilt but an absence of freedom or love. Amazing isn’t it?

It is common for traumatic memories to be stored in fragments so we can’t quite grasp them. So we don’t want to go there. We might remember being humiliated, abandoned, lost, abused, yet we rarely remember how we got there. We cut off from it intellectually and emotionally for fear of ‘making it worse’ yet the opposite is true.

“The most troublesome traumatic memories are those that involve body sensations and little else. Individuals plagued with anxiety and panic attacks are examples of this. In such cases, the body sensations associated to the traumatic memory are intact, but the other elements, particularly the cognitive aspects (facts, narrative, time and space context) that would help the individual to make sense of the memories appear lost”

(Babette Rothschild)

I help people make sense of the sensations in their bodies and memories using my Aromatherapy, guided meditations and knowledge of the chakra energy system. It is called an energy system because when it is in tune, it powers the body like a generator.

When I started to use the chakra system of healing through my Aromatherapy Diploma and my love for the work of Caroline Myss and Anodea Judith, I used simply essential oils to tune the flow of essential oils through the body. When parts of the body become stuck or emotions become trapped, the energy of the oils reignites lost parts. Then I started to build in aura-reading and guided visualisation, meditation, inner-child through my studies and spiritual development.

This is different from each person. That’s the point. I don’t know what we will do until you come but I know it will be perfect for that time.

One thing I know for certain is that having children can certainly trigger your inner child!

Yet some people say to me “Nothing’s ever happened” and almost feel guilty because they haven’t been afflicted with a war torn incident. This is completely normal. It is not until I do chakra readings that we are able to identify patterns such as who holds control in the family or work place. Who holds control about what you say and do? Are you able to freely express and when you really tune into yourself is it you speaking?

These are massive questions all of which are life-changing. It isn’t for everyone. Some people don’t want change and it is important to respect that.

What isn’t ok though is saying ‘that’s the way it is’. This simply isn’t true. That is the way our minds interpreted events often before the age of seven and it sticks and becomes a lifelong pattern. By unpicking it, we can rewire this and live easier inside our minds and bodies.

Your body and mind are your house, it is important to feel at home, ignite your own fire and nourish yourself.  

Published by autumnblossomsltd@gmail.com

Clinical Aromatherapist Angelic Reiki Master Shamanic Practitioner Children’s Yoga Teacher Guided Meditation Author Flamenco Dancer Lover of trees, nature and the juiciness of all things

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