I have held so much shame around my story until recently. This is so much so that I stopped telling it. My nervous system was still holding something protective around it that has now loosened and I can’t feel it now.
I realised that it was not my shame but that I had carried it. When my son told me that the book he is reading is the ‘best ever zombie apocalypse book’ he’s ever read.
I realised, I can’t read that genre but something was telling me to pay attention. The zombie apocalypse..
Where there are those all around me who cannot see what is going on. Their senses are distorted and seem as though they are living in another world and my nervous system can sense the end of my world.
It was my story. The story of my shame. I was shamed for speaking about the ancestral wounding I could see.
My soul knew about ancestral healing long before my ears had heard the words. There were a lot of clues that my ancestral line was in disarray but the most disturbing was speaking its truth. Not only to be met by shame but gaslighting that made me question my sanity and led me into mental health appointments, verbal attacks and emotional abuse. More shame. I blamed myself for the whole of it.
I was given the message that the lid needed to stay on somehow even though I could see that it was clearly falling off of its own accord.
My ancestral healing journey and the tools I have learnt and created changed all of this for me. It began when my voice completely vanished for a while when I was four, returning only in stutters until I completely brought it back in 2018 when I wrote the Healing Meditations: Throat Chakra Healing.
The soul retrieval work I did for myself was about bringing back these ‘fragments’. The parts of me that I couldn’t trust because they had been silenced and they were ashamed they couldn’t be part of the family. I brought them back realising that they were true, honest hearted parts of me that wanted healing for my ancestral line and connection. My illuminated ancestors knew my truth, they had seen all of it. Further support came from the trees who had held soul essences safe for me while I created a safe nest for them to be received again inside myself.
The impact of the nervous system once you have been scapegoated is like hanging in the balance constantly. Contact retraumatises despite the desire for connection. I understand it now. I brought all of me back from that. Ancestral healing helped me to understand the pain of the lineage and how even though it hadn’t been well received initially, this was something that I needed to do for my children and all the illuminated ancestors were supporting me, guiding me. I no longer felt alone as I had a whole kinship around the ancestral fire who were telling me their stories, helping me understand it wasn’t personal but that this healing was for me to do on behalf of them.
The more I did this, the more guidance and support I was given, Mother Earth brought back the ‘mother threads’ to me from deep in her womb. The tree spirits brought back the ancestral holding and the gnomes brought me foundations back so I could feel held.
In ancestral healing, we work with the Illuminated Ancestors as they have witnessed and seen all that has passed yet do not carry the wounding themselves. They carry the tools specific to the family they are from. I set about daily rituals passing over souls which were in the ghost realm and still experiencing the trauma. This included both of my grandmothers. Since they have transitioned to the realm of the illuminated ancestors, they have gifted me more healing and insights into my role and how they are supporting me.
Ancestral healing tracks back the patterns to their source and brings peace to the souls who have been affected by the wounding to bring healing to the whole lineage.
The illuminated ancestors and my grandmothers have helped me transform this shame into pride as I am helping bring back the missing elements to the family. Helping ‘feeling’ and as this process happens, I am noticing people are seeing and feeling again. The ‘zombie’ shutdown and dissociation is lessening and the real-world I am living is becoming much more peaceful for me and my children.
One of the threads I initially followed was the impact of dissociation in families can lead to people being treated in ways that would not happen if the ‘emotional threads’ were held. By working with the water element, the grandmothers and the female line, these threads are coming back. This is where the ancestral story came from, the bringing back of the elements needed.
There is no shame in not having the elements you needed,
If you work with the illuminated ancestors, they have just the recipe to bring healing unique to you
All of my upcoming offerings and workshops involve these processes as they are so powerful, simple and compassionate.
In love and truth