I always wondered who I could turn to as a young mother with my daughter in her arms. It was 2013 and I held her feeling it all, with no meaningful relationship with any of the older female members of the family and my marriage to her dad over, I craved a grandmother who would sit by the fire and hear my heart. I wanted to know this story could change and there could be a new beginning.
Poised at a juncture where I could see clearly there was so much to feel as a woman yet each conversation I tried to begin created more rupture. In a family where the feminine had been silenced for many generations and carved into narrow restricted form of harmless beauty that was small and unblemished and quiet, I reflected.
The great aunts on the paternal side were described as ‘bald and beardy’ and that was how I was told I would end up. It seemed that silent beauty was the aim. Sleeping beauty that was keeping this pattern going.
My body was so in tune with all of this. When I danced it was like I set off their voices in my head with the motion of my body, they came to me in my dreams.
The voices, the untold stories, the hearts, the emotions, the truth of the ancestral feminine. I could feel her so deeply from being so young and now as a mother I was becoming part of the spiral.
The illuminous ancestors are the heart-warming; hand holding wisdom keepers of each family tree. They hold the light of healing and justice for each one of you. They are your roots and your blood. Their circle of love, soul tending and storytelling is the heart space of kindred souls and connection. They light up the ancestral cave in the darkness and entanglement of ancestral patterns and roles.
They are part of the folklore of the family, the ancient ancestral tending.
They told me what I felt in my body was true and that I could change this. When I spoke, they spoke with me. When I prayed, they prayed with me and they gave me an otherworldly perspective of my situation I never would have otherwise seen.
I had no idea that when I began my 12 year journey, my maternal grandfather would support me to heal and deepen and my relationship with my mum which has been the greatest gift of this whole journey. He also helped me to see how my financial patterns were around control of women through withholding money and how I could finally be free. I journeyed back seven generations and found Annie, the fully empowered and vocal mother of eight in Ugglebarnby who flashes me a wild grin when she sees me bringing this wisdom into my life.
It is never clear where the ancestral healing journey will take you or what gifts you will receive but you will always be heard, be welcomed and showered in unconditional love of the ancestors. You will see this life from the eyes of timeless wisdom and know what it is to be held in love and respect.